this is for you, love

the truth

2011-05-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well, truth hurts.

When your good friend can actually come up to you and be upfront about your desperation, then you're obviously going over the board. Man, hate it when this happens. But like I said, no risk, no gain. You will never know till you try, isn't it?

And like another friend said, if you have to go through so much trouble just to make it happen, then it's probably not meant to be. Well, it started out easy though. And then now, not so much. I just hope it's not a matter of avoidance. I hope I dont appear as too desperate too. Oh crap.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

But I just wanted to be friends. If I can't grab your attention, how would you even notice me? Im no super good-looker, nor am I the famous kid around, and Im definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Yea, a friend said, wait for them to react. But well yea, you can have the privilege to do that, because you're gorgeous my love. People flock to know you better. It's not the same for me, I find friends darling. Say what you want to say. Im just excited to make friends. Dont tear my spirits down.

It's not even a bad thing.

start of something new

2011-05-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

And then it was gone.

The feeling went away. It just had to. There's really not much point in clinging on and hoping that something miraculous is going to happen. If I am able to put in that much effort to make friends, and you don't seem to bother, then it's just not going to work. Ultimately, I'm moving on...

And then there was the brother.

Pretty good-looking. Pretty charming. Sweet-looking and Im falling head over heels over his smile. I don't usually see a guy smile that gorgeously before, so cut me some slack. I dont really care if I seem like a stalker, though I honestly don't want to be seen as one, but it's been a while seen I feel excited about the start of a new friendship. So really, I would love to love and be loved. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. Soon. It's gonna come.

<3<3<3

progress

2011-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

SYF silver. No worries. It's really not the end-result, but the journey in getting there. I love the ensemble, and they've filled my Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with much love and care. Love love TJGuitar. So proud to be a part of it :)

***

So, our eyes met - for like 3 seconds. well, that was an advancement. 'Cause there was a slight attempt to smile on both parts I guess. And I've been asking around about how he is as a person. So far, not bad. I just hope I don't expect too much. I dont know, it really seems empty on my part, 'cause I have no one to text to when Im bored, to go out with and to share half of my heart with. Ive been lonely for too long, i need company too. But, too bad or otherwise, we're still not talking yet.
I hope we get to interact in the nearest time.

There's something about you which I strongly feel I need to know. Please read my mind, please please please.

reality. fantasy.

2011-04-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

I really shouldn't be doing up a blog at this point in time. Not when it's in the midst of SYF, A level year and all the what nots. But trust me, at times blogs could be pretty much an escapade for the distressed mind and soul. Well, I could at least express my views and sentiments out instead of bottling and bubbling them up in a whole jar of emotions. 'Cause not everyone in school can truly understand us without giving sceptical comments. It does bother you, don't it? You're willing to lend a listening ear when a friend pours out her stories and troubles, but when you mention a bit part of your life, she leaves you with no chance but gets right back at you. Too bad school life isn't always pleasing.

There are exceptions, of course. Call it playing hard-to-get,crush, stranger whatever. I do wish to know why do you look at me that way, or maybe it's not just at me. Still, call it exaggerating, but I could feel your stare burning right through me. What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Do you think I'm weird? Do you think of me and fantasize? What? Your stares could really mean a thousand and one things, and I'm just too curious to know. To be honest, it started out a little uncomfortable, but with you, staring at me the same way everyday makes me feel like it's become a part of my school routine to have you around and look at me that way. A day without you looking out for me makes me feel incomplete. I'm not being an attention-seeker, but I do admit that I do love a little attention here and there. It may sound insane, but people tend to react insanely at times.

This may sound all harmless, but is staring all we're capable of? I want to see you smiling at me because a little hi could be a little too much to ask. A sincere smile would be enough to make my day. Stop staring and start smiling, really. I want us to be friends, but I just can't initiate a moment where I could even say a friendly 'hi' like how I could always say. What's hindering me, I don't even know.
We could probably explore a whole new things together if we actually know each other. Just think of the opportunities ahead that could be enjoyed and shared.
I do daydream a lot, but if daydreams could be a reality, why not?

I could have never been able to express this out to anyone, no, too embarrassing,too complexed. No one probably understands, they probably think it sounds ludicrous and I should just fall back to reality. well, here's my part of the story. I hope I'm reading the correct signals from you, otherwise I'm officially in my own world of fantasy.

Please give me a sign to show that we have the same thoughts. A smile would mean a lot.